Nadite 26th 1995
Today, there was a bit of tension with Raisa. During lunch Ana and I sat together at a table eating our poorly prepared meal. She came over with two others and sat at the table with us. They just stared at us with the intention to make us feel uneasy. Something in me got a little annoyed and I didn’t feel timid at all. I carried on eating minding my business whilst Ana looked agitated. She refused to continue the conversation we were having whilst they were sat at the table. Suddenly, Raisa picked up both trays of food and walked away. We sat there staring at each other confused and irritated. Ana mentioned that this isn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last. After lunch we went our separate ways to do our jobs, however, Ana was a little bit shaken up and didn’t want to leave me. I told her to be vigilant and don’t get herself worked up. She gave me a little kiss and we eventually went our own ways.
After a long tiring day I thought I’d try and give auntie a call with the remainder of the credit I had. There was no answer. So I tried a couple more times but still no response. Raisa (out of nowhere) pushed me out of the way in frustration. I didn’t think much of the situation as I didn’t want to spark up a fight so I backed away. Later we headed back to our cells for supper. At least we’re eating in the cells and not in the cafeteria for supper as per usual.
Ana seemed a little bit distraught. She had called her boyfriend and found out that he no longer wants to be in a relationship with her. She was a little teary eyed and cussed him off. I don’t blame her. She stuffed her face with food until it was difficult to swallow. It made me laugh a little but I didn’t want her losing her sanity.
As the evening dragged on we retired back to our cell. Ana and I laid in our beds talking about relationships. I don’t really know what it feels like to have a boyfriend. I never really tried, although there was a boy I did have a crush on, Elliot Young I think was his name. But he was one of Camila’s friends. He had the most cutest smiles in the school and was always a “charmer”. I barely got to know him personally…
She then asked if I knew what sex feels like. I did not expect to hear that from her but she seemed quite open about it. She tried it a couple times with her now ex-boyfriend. She described it as the “best” feeling in the world. Then she went into graphic detail. She must have been quite the mischievous girl before being apprehended. I zoned out and just stared at her blankly as my attention was drawn to her pretty facial features. She shocked me with something I’d never thought she would openly do. She… flashed. I don’t even know what’s going through her mind — If she is losing it altogether. I probably am. I would admit, she does have a very beautiful physique. She got closer and forced herself on top of me. It was like last night but with a bit more… intimacy and… skin. Somehow, I couldn’t resist. She is a very pretty girl after all so I got involved… After a very snuggly interaction we cuddled it out before going to bed. I laid down thinking to myself about her tender she felt. I … feel like I want to go for another round now. But she’s sleeping. Maybe tomorrow.
I need to focus. The Hamilton family will be visiting me in a few days and I need to compose myself for that occasion. I’m still a little nervous about it. I have no idea as to how it would all go. If it’d be good or bad. I guess I’d have to wait and see.
Like always, goodnight Mother.
Your only daughter,