Loesis 5th 1995
If you are present or at least listening –then I would like to know– then I am at least somewhat glad to hear from you again. At the same time I am very shaken by this. How are you able to communicate through my diary? If it is you.
I am so sorry for what I had done to you last year. I met your parents a few days ago and it made me think a lot about the good things. You was not always a bad person, I just allowed my anger to get the best of me. But you did bully me and called me names which pushed me overboard. You provoked me in such a way that I hated everything about you. Pushed every button But as of late I had a turn of heart and looked back at my actions. I thought had I not killed you then certainly my life would have been better.
Yes I’ve been “writing” to mother since I’ve been locked up. She hasn’t replied and I wouldn’t believe for a moment that she hates me. How dare you say that. I write to her as a means to… free my mind, my thoughts and my feelings. But if you’re communicating with me then how hasn’t mother responded to my past entries? Would you know where she is? Have you seen her in… the land beyond the skies?
I’m tired and it’s getting late. I don’t want to drag this on but if you are here… please respond. Maybe we could talk this through and somehow forgive one another. I wouldn’t want to anger you any further. This place is torture enough. I guess my suffering is entertainment for you. What if I was given the death penalty? Maybe I would see mother again? Doesn’t sound bad at all when I think about it.
My life is ruined.